I’m seventeen and I’m lying in the back of Jake’s car. Vaughn is in the passenger seat. I am thinking about how I’ll never be as young as I am right now. It’s kind of cold in here and it’s almost been an hour since we dropped you off. I just got three texts but I’m ignoring them until I’m done writing this. There is something you should know, Mimi. I know you know but I need to tell you again. I am so glad I know you, that I have the privilege of being your best friend. Thanking you for the cigarettes, the card rides, these matching yin yang bracelets, the years we have known each other and never being able to hug you until last July. Thank you for the tears, the laughs, the equally similar thoughts we share. But most of all, thank you for shaping me, Mimi, because if I had never met you then I would have never been able to feel as human as I do now. But never have I been a blue calm sea, I have always been a storm. See you soon.

We’re on our way to drop you off at home. The drive is always shorter the way there, but longer the way back. I wish it were the other way around. We’re eating McDonalds. This sucks.

Dear best mate,

The two hour drive back felt like a million years. We got lost for at least twenty minutes. The cigarette I smoked after my phone died, an hour after we dropped you off, felt bittersweet. It also tasted like shit. I still wish you were here. If anyone is lucky enough to have their best friend right next door, down the street, or even across town, there is something they should embrace: gratefulness. People look forward to seeing their best friend the next day - whether it be at school, or a phone call away when they’re feeling upset and need someone’s company. I look forward to a month, two months later, till I see you again. I hope I got enough footage for the video I am making. Summer to fall, fall to winter, winter to spring, and spring to summer. “The weeks have had wings.” 

Here is something that I forget to tell you more often than I should: I am so glad you exist.

Morgan

Dear best mate,

You’ve been gone for maybe 15 minutes. I didn’t want to watch you guys leave, so I turned around and went inside my house and closed the garage behind me. I caught the tail lights of Jake’s car driving away as I walked into my bathroom. Why is it always so hard? I don’t know, this isn’t really home. This is where I sleep, shower, eat, and wait for something better to happen. I feel like crying but it won’t come out. I’m sitting in my bathroom listening to The Subtitles of Chores and Unlocked Doors. I still smell like your house. I stood in my room and noticed how it doesn’t really feel like me at all. It feels temporary. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. I’m tired. I’m glad we took those pictures and I can’t wait to see that video of me. I’m sure it will be lovely. This isn’t goodbye, it’s see you later. See you soon, mate. I love you.

P.S - You’re a legend

Mimi

When it happens to you, you will understand. I promise.